Kinship in DEEP SHIT

Just had an kinship email relating to me the happenings in recent periods, aimming to the fact of favourtism in the family, which is me. I may not understand the feeling but I do know that there is a the feeling. After so many years, she still cannot see that she is suffering which I understand, but it has nothing to do with me. In this sentence, I mean I didn’t ask for anything so called to be favoured-tised, but because of this, I have been trying to play the balance in between the family for so so many years. Why can’t she see that she is not the only one suffering, for as long as she is suffering, so many I suffering, balancing between both sides and trying to find a way to bridge the gap between.

If the kinship falls apart, I would carry the historical blame for the cause of the crack, doesn’t she see that I have my own problems which she has no idea what it is or how bad it is? I don’t say that mine problems and frustrations are anymore then anyone else around, but its is also not as light as anyone else. I carry a burden the I can never tell or share. Why can’t she see that? Maybe its because I cannot share that she cannot see. My own family do not know who and what I am…

I am really tired, being the crack causer and the crack repairer, when I got no time for my own. My two years was I get away, but my getaway is about to end with the beginning of what that maybe the biggest frustration and pain for all for the time.