Safe in a Crazy World?...or Crazy in a Safe World

Sunday, 28th Oct 2007.....day where mother's leaving for perth to embark on her mission of looking after another....The leaving think have just hit me....hit me on friday...thru saturday and now today..... But today seems more numb then usual....but I cannot say I will not cry at the airport... But am I crying, upset or lost cause..... she is leaving? I am alone? or is that next week is an unknown to me? I don't know....... I don't know if its cause I am tired... I am worried for her...worried for what is to come....or that I am all alone facing from now on....

This morning's breakfast was the most unusual one for me.....it seems almost like a family....but I cannot feel the bond between the the top two....and a distance from the top to bottom two..... today few sentences make me wanna lauf and cry....the comment from F saying about some other family where the husband drinks all day and wife works to pay but unknowingly he actually lauf at himself...as its the depiction of the life he is in.... another meeting of an old neighbour whom at the time life was great for everyone...but then now everything is changed, is changing and will never be the same again..... another meeting of an unfortunated incident causing the crazy insanity of a girl, crazy in a safe world... bliss of ignorance or tragedy of life story?

I am uneasy today....feeling unsecure today....feeling down today.... No one around me to hold me.... no friends...no best friends...no lover.... no one I can trust enough to share.... I wanna be crazy to be safe in the world..... or am I just safe in my own crazy world? This world to me is already crazy.... insane and going even more bonkest as the min goes by.... 1 yr.... this year will be my making or breaking....

But making or breaking... I will go out with a BANG.....